Well after dropping a heavy load off my back (personal stuff, like REALLY PERSONAL) I laid in my bed thinking, i then had an epiphany. I have 1 year, 1 YEAR until the moment Ive been waiting for has come. Ever since my parents divorce when i was 6, Ive wanted to get outta there house (by there i mean my moms) and live my life, Ive wanted to show them, that healthy loving marriages EXIST (not one like my moms now, its good for her sometimes, but bad for me) In just one year I have a decent amount of stuff to consider. School, job, housing, car, love, friends, relationships id love to end, what i don't want to be, what i want to prove to people, how can i make a difference (being 1 of the 2 survivors of my moms child birthing, me and my sister think we were meant to do great things, like we have reason to be here. I ask myself alot, why me? why Alyssa? whats our purpose? but i just come to my previous conclusion). 1 year seems like a long time at first glance ( I used to laugh when people said life's to short to waste anytime, id think YEA okay i still got like 74ish years left to live. But now i see that life is short) , but honestly 16 years have gone by, and what have i accomplished? sure Ive "helped" someone with depression, later realizing it was for attention, so i don't count that. So really, what things have i done to impact the world? like honestly, yea im a great friend when you get to see my emotional, caring, mature side. So besides caring what can i say Ive done with the 16 years Ive been alive? in school i only coast along, barely passing the courses that are most likely gunna choose my future, and give me a wide amount of choices. You may think im being harsh on myself, but its the truth and i don't know another way to put it.
Song im currently listening to: Therapy, by Relient K
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Brad,
ReplyDeletewhether you decide to accept it or not, you have helped people, many many people. You've changed the lives of your friends, your family and me (whatever category I fall under). You were put on this planet for a reason. Whether you know the reason or not yet is fine, but know that it is out there. You will accomplish great things in life. All you need to do it believe. Believe in your dreams, believe in yourself.
To the moon and back.