Resenting the happy, will only give you unhappiness

As i sit here in front of my laptop, i start to think of how ive lived my life. For so many years ive hated (or greatly disliked) the people that cause me pain or had made me unhappy. But tonight i realize that's a selfish way to live. For some of those people its because of how they treated me, or treated someone else i care for. For some its the things they did to deliberately or not deliberately to hurt me. But now, now i see that they are happy. They have the things in their lives that make them smile, make them laugh, make them think. So i guess what im trying to say is, im happy for you, all of you. I just hope that i have affected your life, in some way or another, but know that i will always be happy for you. And if that's the only joy i get in my life, well so be it, its worth it all if i can make someone happy with my actions, or whatever i did.

The moment Ive been waiting for.

Well after dropping a heavy load off my back (personal stuff, like REALLY PERSONAL) I laid in my bed thinking, i then had an epiphany. I have 1 year, 1 YEAR until the moment Ive been waiting for has come. Ever since my parents divorce when i was 6, Ive wanted to get outta there house (by there i mean my moms) and live my life, Ive wanted to show them, that healthy loving marriages EXIST (not one like my moms now, its good for her sometimes, but bad for me) In just one year I have a decent amount of stuff to consider. School, job, housing, car, love, friends, relationships id love to end, what i don't want to be, what i want to prove to people, how can i make a difference (being 1 of the 2 survivors of my moms child birthing, me and my sister think we were meant to do great things, like we have reason to be here. I ask myself alot, why me? why Alyssa? whats our purpose? but i just come to my previous conclusion). 1 year seems like a long time at first glance ( I used to laugh when people said life's to short to waste anytime, id think YEA okay i still got like 74ish years left to live. But now i see that life is short) , but honestly 16 years have gone by, and what have i accomplished? sure Ive "helped" someone with depression, later realizing it was for attention, so i don't count that. So really, what things have i done to impact the world? like honestly, yea im a great friend when you get to see my emotional, caring, mature side. So besides caring what can i say Ive done with the 16 years Ive been alive? in school i only coast along, barely passing the courses that are most likely gunna choose my future, and give me a wide amount of choices. You may think im being harsh on myself, but its the truth and i don't know another way to put it.
Song im currently listening to: Therapy, by Relient K